Faith Salutes

Snowbirding is hot

What I want to write about is the phenomenon that is Roadhaven Resort. I just don't want to fully commit to writing about it, so I will only semi-divulge here today. Roadhaven Resort is a mobile home park in Apache Junction, AZ where "snowbirds" come to roost the for winter near the shadow of the Superstition Mountains. For those of you who are not from this part of the country, a "snowbird" is a retiree who drives their RV or Cadillac or Lincoln Town Car or Mini Van to Arizona for the winter so they do not have to deal with the snow in their home state/territory/province.

Roadhaven Resort is one of those places these people end up calling "home" for the winter. It is sort of like Disneyland for the retired with a splash of monotony and retired golf carts. They hunker down in stationary mobile homes surrounded by sunglass wearing cactus and perfectly manicured rock lawns. I hang out there for the laughs, the golf cart driving, and the pools.

I really do want to write about this when I feel more like writing...I was there yesterday. I have been a frequent visitor of Roadhaven Resort since I was a small child. I know this maze of Indian Tribe named miniature streets (12 mile per hour speed limit) and where to get the mail better than I have known my own streets.

My great grandfather and his wife lived there, escaping the slightly cooler Northern California air. My great Grandfather was an Arizona Native and never likes it being cooler than about 80 degrees. Now that deserves a Faithsalutes! We definitely share bloodlines. Now, my Grandmother lives there. My great-great Aunt lived there once too and my great Aunt also has a little spot. I too one day will have my little plot at Roadhaven and golf cart with a poorboy brown colored top and my wood shop lessons and I will eat strawberry shortcake and Salisbury steak and green beans once a week.

This brings me to another topic close to my heart, cafeteria food. My mom and I love cafeteria food. There is nothing better than scoops fruit cocktail, mashed potatoes, thinly sliced meat (any kind will do for me), gravy that desperately needs salt, scoops of mixed medley steamed vegetables, mystery casserole with crispy edges, baked macaroni and cheese, the list goes on... I don't do cafeteria ice cream, but I do date the pudding sometimes. I haven't eaten at a cafeteria in a long time, but know that I miss her. I long for her. I wish she was more convenient and local.

More about the wonders, mysteries, and goings on of Roadhaven Resort another time...but be warned it will involve lots of plastic tupper ware, hair that has been set for the week, short wave radios, and Dr's Appointments.

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Had lunch today with the duo behind Largo Photography today. I heart them. They are so radical badical. Go Navajo Nation!

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I bought a giant linen hat made by the Hat Company for $12.00. I bought two bathing suit bottoms for $3 each. They are too small and I cannot return. I bought another black stretchy tank top. I have about 9 of them. But this one has thick straps, duh. I used a gift certificate to buy a scarf and some sandals in black for the summer. I bought a pair of flat sandals with "flip-flop" type straps in mandarin orange. Preparing for Summer. I am on the hunt for short sleeve shirts and light dresses. Summer is coming and it is going to be hell-O Phoenix please give me number 9 and when you disconnect me I will kick you from behind the frigerator their laid a piece of glass Miss Suzy sat upon it and broke her little ask me no more questions tell me no more lies the boys are bathroom zipping up their flies are in the city the bees are in the park Miss Suzy and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K D-A-R-K, dark, dark, dark!

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Faithsalutes the Goodcitizens of Roadhaven Resort who thought I was a boy when I was 12 and I was wearing a baseball hat and polo shirt. I bet they have transvestite grandkids who never visit them, jerks.

Nuk---cly---ear

I am all about Nuclear power.

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We are going to participating in two very random events tomorrow. The first being my little brother's wrestling tournament. Lots of little boys running around in unitards (singlets, whatever) trying to destroy each other on mats in a high school gym. It is quite entertaining. When I was there age, I could not bare to watch it...but now that they are little boys their little wieners don't offend. Lots of changing and adjusting, you get the picture.

Then after we watch my little brother pull his famous beached whale move, we are going to participate in a Salsa Festival. I told Mowgli about it and he almost starting weeping from joy. I am going for the chips and mild bits of yum yum. Mowgli is attending to proof his manhood. We eat food for entirely different experiences.

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I was introduced to muxtape.com. Its all about making mixtapes for friends, etc. I have been listening to one in particular over and over again. I did make an account (free) and hope to make you, the Good Citizens, a mixtape that you can listen to online...

Faithsalutes Dunder Mifflin Infinity 2.0

...After faithsalutes tells paperpony that she is seeing someone for her depression/anxiety and after paperpony talked about breastfeeding, eh-hem, interruption:

paperpony: good god

no

that is not what i meant to say

faithsalutes: hahahahahaha
paperpony: good dood

hahahaha

youge tit

faithsalutes: youge tit

is that what you have?

gross

yeah, i get it

paperpony: ah typing with one hand

Now that paperpony has an infant at her teet, gchat has been really interesting.

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I could really go for a hot dog. A Hebrew National with mustard.

Faithsalutes the ability of mother's to smack and pinch their misbehaving children in the back seat without crashing.

I'm it...NO, you are it!

The darlings over at AsianCajuns tagged me...I am flattered. Let's make it happen:

The rules:

  * link to the person that tagged you (check)
  * post the rules on your blog (check)
  * share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
  * tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs (check)
  * let each random person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog (in the process)

Six quirks you're going to wish you never knew.

I am not very good at this. I am pretty crazy, so I am not sure what is crazy and what is not crazy or "quirky".

1. I like to tweeze my eyebrows in my car, because it provides the best lighting. Oh and by the way, you do not use the word pluck, that is what you do to fowl that is being prepared for a meal. My mother always made sure I used the word "tweeze" and "pluck" appropriately.

2. When I see people running, I feel sorry for them...I am like, dude, so many other, better, less jolting ways to get exercise that do not destroy your joints. I don't partake in them myself, but I know for a fact they exist. Slow down, walk it out my man.

3. I like to sleep with the clothes on that I have had on all day. They are already worn in and cozy, so why would I change into something else? Waste. I feel like there is some sort of carbon footprint thing I am attending to by doing this...Happy "we are being lied to about recycling" Earth Day! Putting on something new is too stimulating and it is hard enough for me to wind down at night to go to sleep....

4. Toilets that flush loudly embarrass me more than you can possibly fathom. I do not like to discuss the ladies room nor hear anything related to it. They make it private for a reason.

5. If I was to choose a different culture to which I would be born into, other than American, it would be Icelandic. I can expand if necessary.

6. I will eat all food cold, even if there is an option to heat. Meat, noodles, cheese, pizza, Asian Food, Cajun Food, you name it...I eat it cold, even toast if it has been sitting there awhile because I forgot about it.

I would like to tag:

Leah
Alishia
Helen
Raya
Anna R
Meris (she has a lot of them! ahahahah)

you two

I have a hankering for U2 this morning. Mowgli doesn't like U2, so I have to listen to them when I am alone. Don't even get me started on what a crime that is or even the punishment that should follow.

Mowgli made me a bag of snacks to bring to work today. It consists of a hunk of cheese, some tortilla chips, a piece of fruit, and two hard boiled eggs. We are trying to use up everything in the fridge and somehow that is usually my favorite time of the shopping/eating cycle. Its then that you need to get creative and/or eat a random hodge podge of food. Yes, this is definitely my favorite time to eat...

I bought the Target brand of the Jergen's Natural Glow Lotion. I used it last year and it really seems to work. I put it on this morning and now I smell like a poolside party. But I am not at a pool party, I am in my office overlooking a field of dirt that is supposed to be a park. But there were some fights over a giant hanging sculpture that looks like the female organs that is supposed to be hung in the center of the park, it has taken almost a year just to move dirt around. I get daily progress reports by watching the dirt every day.

I went to the library last night to check out the books all of you Good Citizens suggested. I even went to some of your blogs and wrote down some titles (Thanks Leah!) and not ONE SINGLE book was there. I had to go rogue and hunt for some other titles. Can you believe that? I went through 20 books that were not at the central/main branch. I am reserving online from now on. IDIOT.

I settled on some other titles instead. Out of Africa, which I have never actually read...believe it or not. I also checked out a few other non fiction books on Africa and one on the globalization of mining. Uplifting, right? I will have someone let you know when the funeral is...

I accidentally bought 3 purses on ebay yesterday. I was like Hemingway at the racetracks. I thought I would be outbid with my 50 cent raise, but I was not outbid. I am now stuck with three purses and I only wanted one. I was taught my lesson on gambling on ebay. I think I should remain a spectator.

All I wanted was this the small sapphire blue chain vintage clutch. Now I have a blue leather large clutch that I am going to use with my luggage. I also have a Vintage Ruth Saltz gold chain purse in purple leather. Don't ask. The other images were protected, but here is the purple bag that I was pretty sure I did not want and that someone else would bid on...

Faithsalutes the Mayor of Snack Town. And constituents...you know who you are over there on Brown St. I will be visiting the people soon, Town Hall style.

What?

The lady giving me a pedicure said that you can heal ingrown toenails by sticking your toe in a tub of plain yogurt. Gross, but good for future reference. Live culture! (Sounds like a hip-hop brand from 1991)

This bum told me that he had did not have any money and that he actually owed people money. Preach it. I gave him a few dollars to buy a sandwich at Subway. He needed sunscreen badly. I need to keep some on hand for bums in Phoenix in the near summer-is-coming future.

Faithsalutes the innate ability of elementary school teachers to walk backwards everywhere they go.

Theme Music

Songs I am listening to a lot these days...old to new.

Tilt a Womb = bath time

You asked you got it:

"The term tilted womb is sometimes used to describe a retroverted uterus.

A significant proportion (10%, I looked it up.) of women have wombs that tend to tilt backwards as opposed to resting forwards on top of the bladder. In the vast majority of cases they would have no awareness this and it would present no symptoms and no problems for their sex lives, menstrual cycle or fertility. (LIARS! My "you know what" is so painful I am unable to do anything but lay in scalding hot water for 3 days...it causes unbelievably painful cramps because your body is having a harder time doing what it needs to do...that is as far as I will go with that one.)

In a small minority of women, it has been considered to be a cause of pelvic discomfort or backache. (DUH!) A special kind of pessary (a Hodge pessary) can be inserted to encourage the uterus to tilt forwards to see if it improves symptoms.

If the pessary does help, a gynaecological operation called ventrosuspension can offer a more permanent repositioning.

Yours sincerely

The  Medical Team"

Meris part 2

Happy Birthday.

I love you.

I appreciate you. I admire you. I think you are more prettier than anyone I know, except a few of the people I know who are also very pretty.

She doesn't like being mushy, but heck...she also doesn't like little red potatoes either.

Faithsalutes the cousin of all cousins...the Maggot.

xoxoxo

leotards and other adventures

I want to discuss adventures here from the weekend, but I am short on time. Here is a brief synopsis:

Friday Art walk: Overrated art, but good company. Especially the driving in the convertible Porsche part, that was almost more fun than the  walking around looking at the local fair. I ignored them.

Friday night out with my fellow grad students: Priceless group. You know how I love to stereotype: A couple of us married folks, a few gays, a token hippie, and a Jewish American Princess...

Getting made fun of my a large group of random strangers because of a bad fake Irish accent I used for a couple of sentences: Baffling. They also said my outfit was ugly.

Ballet: Men in ballet overrated especially 15 of them for 25 minutes in bright purple leotards. People attending the ballet, a site to be seen. Long Moses hair on women, skirts unbuttoned in the back, and people who think using chopsticks in their hair as accessories is still cool. NOT COOL. Thought about Raya and Meris and how they love ballet. The other acts in the program were breathe taking.

Brunch at Fez with my fellow Dane: Their potatoes are like heaven slices. Danish food, not good. This food, good.

Shopping with C-Detroit in her size 0: not as easy as I thought it would be. Being tiny does have its disadvantages, but not very many. I guess I like being more giant shaped.

3 Hours of Organizing for a friend: More satisfying than the potatoes at Fez.

Tilted Womb: almost ruined my weekend.

Dinner with cousin Bon Bon: My next letter to a corporation...Oregano's had the best customer service of any place I have ever been to in my life. It was like Pleasantville on nice crack.

Man, I really got around this weekend. I did not even realize it until I typed it up. I guess I am just trying everything in my power to avoid paper writing and job related tasks and it helps to escape sleeping for hours and hours and hours on end.

Faithsalutes the ultimate procrastinating weekend. Fun wins! 

meris so mean to me

did you read her comments?

ahahaha. why can't you be on my side about the little red potatoes? i would rally behind you if the fries went missing. sheesh.

here's to my beer gut!

This weekend I am cleaning my house, going to First Friday art walk downtown, dancing with some friends, going to the ballet, personal shopping, "babysitting" my 11 year old brother, and writing some papers.

Sound like too much fun to handle? It just might be. Except for the sitting on babies part, I always hate that.

Faithsalutes your weekend! May it include little red potatoes and stealing all the french fries from the Ikea locations in Northern California so Meris can't have any....brat face.

Hot Potato

Dear Ikea,

I am a faithful customer. I have included more people in the Ikea family than the entire country of Norway. I know you Swedes love to compete with Norway. Now you will have to compete with me! Okay not really, but I have been a part of many Ikea virgins coming into the fold. I have also introduced them to your dining.

I never leave Ikea without eating. This time you had this giant potato served with the Swedish meatball dish instead of those sweet little precious round red potatoes. I was sorely disappointed. When I mentioned my disappointment to the cook, he mentioned he was also disappointed.

Will the little red potatoes ever come back to the menu?

Hike up the price of napkins so we can get our little yummy potatoes back.

Thanks,

Faithsalutes

The weeks get faster and Pop tarts never sounded so good.

Chuck has not delivered on the banner, yet, but he is "busy" and it is "free" so I can't really complain....just talk about it openly.

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I rode my bike to work again today. Sometimes I ride it to take Spanky around the block. This is the 3rd time I have ridden my bike since having it repaired by my Uncle Michael as a surprise birthday gift. I love my Uncle Michael. He was 13 when I was born. I think I have annoyed him almost his entire life, but I also know that he loves me. He makes me laugh really, really hard. HE IS FUNNY! He is a observationist extradonaire like my marmella. He fixed up a bike that is sort of special to me. My Danish grandfather passed away when I was in high school. He died in Napa, CA. He bought an old school bike while he was in Napa that last year to ride around town on...I went up to Napa years later and my grandmother decided I should have the bike. I did not inherit anything else, so this bike is like gold. It is a 3 speed (only 2 speeds work). It says "Free Spirit" on the side of it. It has a little rack in the back that I can tie my tote bag to. It is blue. I feel very European when I ride it. It is very Italian country side or Copenhagen in the summer of 1983. If someone steals it, I am going to flip out. I have been keeping it in the house and in my office for safe keeping.

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What do you do when you hire someone to do something and they suck? As in, they suck so hard your job is now ten times more work because you have to fix their mistakes and do the job they were supposed to do in the first place.

Know any good copy editors...as in anal reference people who think the APA manual is akin to the Bible?

They can be anywhere in the country. I need one, stat. And I want references and a resume.

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Have you ever sat down and started writing what you ate that day? Wow. I have done it a few times and have felt sort of like this: HOLY CRAP THAT IS ENOUGH CALORIES FOR THE SAN FRANCISCO 49ers on GAME DAY!

Once I started writing them down I started to eat differently because I did not want to embarrass myself at the end of the day with this: On top of my meals I had a bag of skittles, 8 glasses of Kerns juice, a soda, and candy at the front desk. Did I mention I also ate a bagel?

This lasted about 4 days, because then I wanted to eat crap again so I just stopped writing it.

Last night I started April 1, 2008 with this practice again because my health is never that great. I figure I can show a professional what I eat and they can decide what I should do. I have no self discipline or will power. I also think goals on January 1 set you up for failure, well if you are me.

Maybe this will also help with my depression. I noticed when I stopped eating so much fast food my sleep cycle was better. No, really...I am not taking naps like I used to...everyday for 3.5 hours.

I started a secret blog (no you can't see it), so that it is really out there and not on random bits of paper floating around my house.  I will report back when and if things change. It already stopped me from binging on a couple of pop tarts.

Here's to better health! Baby steps. Even Bob Greene on Oprah says that...

My friends like Alishia and Raya eat like they are the healthy Queens of Sheba. I want to be like them.

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Faithsalutes baby steps and bicycles and banners (that do not exist yet! CHUCK!)

Sick of hearing it? Sick of talking about it.

I am sick of even the sound of my own voice or reading my own g-chats. I need a new topic.

Anyone have any suggestions?

Well, I guess I can start...I read the book "The Red Tent". It was quite good and I was a bit surprised by it, honestly. I did not read the back cover, a review, or even the preface. This actually made the book more exciting to read. I had not been able to pre-judge, subconsciously guess the ending before the end of the first 20 pages, etc. Of course I did figure out what was going on very quickly, I loved reading it to the very last paragraph. I will commence thus forth by not reading the back cover or preface.

I would recommend it. Thanks Carey for passing it along...

Any book recommendations? I am headed to the library on Thursday morning.

Faithsalutes reading all about it.