Slow and steady wins the race

You know you live in the hood when:

White people from the upper middle class neighborhoods pull up in your neighborhood to "volunteer" to clean up.

You know you have no shame when:

You boss the white pretty folk around and make sure they get every bit of garbage out of your alley, sweep the sidewalks, and don't offer them water from your hose.

You know it is a success when:

The "pretty nails done" white folk want to hang out with you and they want to come back another day to "volunteer" along with my neighbors who don't speak English, but still get all dressed up for neighborhood clean up day. Nothing says picking up trash on Sunday like a low cut shirt, tight jeans, heeled sandals and lots of gold jewelry on. God Bless Mexican Senoras y Senoritas.

Oh, I forgot my favorite part, after bossing the people around, the fact that they hired babysitters to watch their kids so they could come out and help. Love it. My hood is full of nannies that probably work for less, but oh well.

You know you need a new dry cleaner when:

You walk in the door and they don't acknowledge you because they are on the phone. They do not count the items themselves, but ask you how many pants, shirts, blouses, etc. They stay on the phone, phone to ear the entire time you are standing at the counter. The TV is blaring and they are on the phone so there is no possible day they can get it done a day sooner.

Taking my business elsewhere, thank you very much.

You know you have a suspended license when:

The court sends you a letter in the mail and now you have to ride your bike.

You know when you should have thought something through when:

You are coordinating a large women's sports fund raiser and the recommended attire is "cocktail" and you show up in a pink sparkle inspired short cocktail dress. Everyone else is in a black pant suit. I will give some of the ladies credit for the tad bit of gel that went to spike up some hair though. Way to go LA
Thank you ladies for all your cash dollars and for still taking me seriously despite the Barbie inspired cocktail dress.

Lesson learned: lesbian cocktail means black pant suit.

You know when you sort of want to have girl when:

You like looking at Barbies all of the sudden. I am not anywhere near pro creating, but I do secretly want a little girl. I want a little girl who likes Barbies. I did not care for dolls nor did I care for Barbies as a child. This was a great disappointment to my mother. I hope I have a daughter who likes dolls so I can invest in some retro Barbie action. So cool. 

You know when you are sick of bacon when:
Psyche. I am never sick of bacon. Are you crazy? Who do you think I am?   

You know you miss your friends when:
You stock them on flickr.

You know you have grown older when:
Vodka and soda water will do just fine.

You know you you can't control the volume of your voice when:

The restaurant falls silent and everyone hears you say, "And has AIDS!"

Faithsalutes getting back to the blog. Lots to report. xoxoxo

Comments

[lis]

I wish I lived in the hood so someone would come over and clean up my yard. Providence is never sick of bacon either.

[surferpete]

I heart bacon.

[dtupac]

i third the bacon comment

[jmgb]

i. love. you. seriously i do.

and, am trying to assess the sarcasm regarding the low cut top/tight jeans/heeled sandals/gold jewelry comment...

damn girl. you've got it all wrong. that's not just sunday, that my everyday.

[dtupac]

i just watched a program about chicken fried bacon, we be trying that soon!!!!!!!!!!!yum!!!!!!!!!

[Helen]

All we need is bacon. You, me, a pound of bacon...sounds like the perfect day!

[Jen]

I still have like 50 Barbies in a box somewhere in my mom's house, with about 3 Kens. Obviously the Kens were P-I-M-P. I'm keeping them around for my kids to play with (unlike my mom, who refused to let me play with her original Barbie and Ken).

Also, there's no better way to wake up than to the smell of bacon, as long as you don't end up grilling your foot on a Foreman.

[Leah]

Niiiice girl! How come no one comes to clean up our neighborhood?!?

I used to hang out at our neighbor's house and play with her vintage barbies, loved it. She only had boys at that point so I had all those dolls and outfits to myself.